HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

Little Ladies vs. Zoo Animals: Making a Reward Jar!

We are in desperate need of an attitude adjustment in our house.

My girls have been pretty ornery lately.  

Tantrums, drama, fighting, sassy mouths, arguing, refusal to do as they are asked, eye-rolling.  

Yes, eye-rolling! Complete with huffing and puffing sounds!! What on Earth?! They are two and three - isn't the eye-rolling supposed to come later in life?  Like in the pre-teen years?  And for the record, nothing gets a mother's blood boiling like having a kid roll there eyes at you.  No wonder my mom hated that! LOL Sorry, mom!

I am trying to raise young women with grace and class, good manners, and empathy for others. I want them to tell the truth, know the difference between right and wrong, and be grateful for each other and the things that they have.  I am trying to raise ladies of outstanding character.... But sometimes I wonder if I am raising wild animals instead.  Actually, I think that sometimes a herd of wildebeests or a pack of wolves has more manners than these two cute little girls do.  It is like living in a zoo.

We already have set rules in our house.  I remember years ago before we had kids, I heard a friend of my husband's five sisters discussing discipline for their kids.  One of them (who has a bunch of kids herself) said that they had a certain set of House Rules that she had come up with to make their lives run more smoothly. These rules were so basic - vague enough to encompass all situations, and easy enough for even little ones to understand - but they really reflected the types of values that I want to send my own children out into the world with.  I never forgot them.  So, I did what any smart mom would do and I shamelessly stole them. LOL They have been slightly adjusted over time to suit our needs, but they are fundamentally the same.

 And here they are:

HOUSE RULES

Use kind words and a kind tone.

Tell the truth.

Be respectful to people and things.

Keep hands, feet and teeth to yourself.  

Listen to Mom and Dad.

Clean up after yourself.

Be helpful.  

Choose to have a great day.

There.  Now you can steal them from me. :-)

As for getting my girls to follow these rules, we have had periods of success and periods that were not quite so successful.  

At first, just reminders and talking about the rules with Hayden (and by proxy Carly because she still was/is little) was enough.  They were new and fun and she liked having something to "remind" us about.

Then, the novelty wore off and it was back to the drawing board.

We moved on to a sticker chart - follow the rules all day, get a sticker; not so great behavior, try again tomorrow.  Certain number of stickers, get a prize. This worked okay. Hayden will do anything for the eventual promise of buying some new Legos, so she would work for her sticker at the end of the day - but there was one catch.  No one on earth - even you or me - can be good ALL THE TIME. On the days that we had a hard time and had to tell Hayden that she would have to try again tomorrow, it was just devastating for her.  It ruined many a bedtime because she just wanted a sticker.  It was just too black and white for her little brain and I think that the message was getting lost.

The truth is that even on the days that a kid has a hard time, they surely had at least one shining moment that day.  Even if they spent the day in and out of timeout, even if they broke every single rule and you are ready to drop them off at a church or a firehouse, I am willing to bet that they said please and/or thank you without a reminder at least one time that day, or maybe helped pick up toys or cleaned up their lunch dishes or some other little thing that warranted recognition.  

I love the positive reinforcement of the sticker chart, but I feel like it just wasn't clear enough.  I need to try harder to focus in on and acknowledge all of the good things that my girls are doing - and focus a little less on the negative - even on the hard days. If the good behavior is the focus and the bad is simply met with a time-out and then it's over, the hope is that we (the parents) will be rewarded with more good behavior.  Perhaps if they are more aware of the small things they can do to follow the rules, our days can be a little less of a zoo - and they will feel more inclined to do the things that earn a reward.  And I will feel less inclined to actually drop them off at the zoo.

So, with that in mind, I have come up with a new plan of attack.  

Today we made some Reward Jars.

Here's what I used - you might even have most of these things (or something else that will work) laying around the house, but if you don't they are cheap and reusable.

 -1 clear jar per kid (I am using pint mason jars, but you can use a pickle jar or a plastic cup or bottle, or whatever you have. I like the clear ones because they have a constant visual reminder of how close they are to their goal)

-A whole bunch of plastic beads (I have also seen jars like this where people used Pom-poms or marbles - any small manageable thing that you have a bunch of will work.  I wanted something that my girls would think was fun and these beads were a variety pack that happens to have animals and sparkly beads and other things they thought were fun.  I also wanted something that would fill the jars up at a reasonable rate of speed - as in not taking a year to fill up if I was handing out a lot of beads, but not being filled up in one afternoon. Also, as a bonus, they were only $5 for a big old tub.)

-Stickers for decorating (Totally optional, but it helped my girls get excited to earn some beads for their jars, and the time they spent decorating was a great time to talk about how our new plan was going to work.)

So the plan is that the girls can earn beads by following the House Rules and doing it with a happy heart.  There is no cap on how many beads that they can earn in one day, or even in one sitting, Just every time that Daddy or I feel that they are really being the great kids that we know they are - saying kind things to each other, using good manners, cleaning up a mess without having any drama, being helpful, going to nap without a tantrum, etc. - they get to add a bead to their jar.  When the jar is full to the top, they will get a very special treat.  Knowing my Lego-crazy Hoot and the fact that she has a baby sis who wants to be just like her, they will want Legos of course! :-)

So far, so good.  Even Carly (age 2) is reminding her sister that if they do good things, they will get to pick a bead.  They went to nap today with ZERO drama, woke up happy, put on shoes and are now pretending that they are Trick-or-Treating in the backyard as I type.  They have earned several beads each and are very proud.  I like that it feels like I am trying to catch them being kind and having good behavior and not dreading the end of the day when I have to tell them that they don't get a sticker because they had to sit in time out earlier in the day.  I love that we are all focusing on the positive. 

It is so simple!!  BE GOOD = GET SOMETHING GOOD!  I will keep you updated on how this plan works for us.  Hopefully we are on the right track to acting more like Classy Little Ladies and less like a herd to unruly wildebeests - because Mama can't take it anymore! LOL

What kinds of things do you do in your home to help your kids learn good behavior?  How do you adjust your "program" as they get older?  What kind of incentives do your kids work for? Leave me a comment! :-)

Time is welcome to slow down any time now. 

I feel like my girls are growing up into little women before my very eyes.

Hayden LOVES preschool. Her teacher assures us that she is a great girl and that she is very kind and very bright.  We already knew that though, right? ;-)  This kid never stops asking questions, never stops thinking - pretty much just plain NEVER STOPS.  I love her to bits and pieces.  Sometimes I swear that she is a 40 year old trapped in a not-even-4-year-old's body. LOL

Carly Kate is not a baby anymore and she wants everyone to know it.  She chose to leave our bed and started sleeping upstairs in her own room a few weeks ago.  She hadn't ever slept up there before that, but she decided that it was time and she hasn't looked back.  I must say that her daddy and I were surprisingly less ready than she was for that transition. We liked our little co-sleeper right there and ready for snuggling.  Now she seems so far away, sleeping all the way upstairs.  But, as she is quick to announce, she isn't a baby anymore and only babies sleep with their parents.

She has also jumped on board the Potty Train and not looked back.  Even when a kid is doing great with potty training (and she is) the whole thing is just mentally exhausting for her parents.  LOL Having to ask over and over if she has to go, to remind over and over that she isn't wearing a diaper, cleaning up the occasional accident - it is pretty draining at times, but she is well on her way to being diaper free.  She is the most independent, iron-willed. fearless little thing that I have ever met.  She is doing EVERYTHING her own way and on her own schedule. Whatever you do, please don't tell her that she can fight it all she wants, but she will always be MY baby.

We found a few hours this last weekend to take them to the pumpkin patch. They had so much fun. It is neat now that they are both older to see them enjoy things together. They are like little partners now and they like having adventures together. Daddy and I also feel like we are able to try anything the world throws at us because we aren't lugging around strollers or stopping to nurse or sitting ut with a little one while the big one is busy doing "big girl" things. The family dynamic is really cool now that there is truly no babies in our house.  So I guess there are up-sides to them being older.... ;-)

 

So as you can see, time is marching on around here. Maybe someday I will have a minute to do more blogging than just a quick update and a huge photo dump.  ...   Like maybe when my kids are 25? Haha.  Hopefully before then.  But for now, this will do.  Afterall, making little girls into women is a full time (and then some) job.  They will be 25 before I know it. :-)

My kids have a new hangout....

This afternoon after nap, I had to go into town to run an errand for my husband and decided to take my girls to get a drink and to the park.

It was pretty hot outside, but there is just the faintest snap of Fall in the air all the same.  I just love that - do you know what I mean? Not exactly Fall-ish weather per say, but almost like a smell in the air? My favorite.

So we stopped and got Happy Hour drinks at Sonic (My other fave: making it to "Happy Hour" just minutes before 4pm and getting my giant iced tea with lemon and two small root beers half off just in the nick of time!) and drove to the park. 

It seems like after school lets out, the park can be an iffy place.  There are often a bunch of surly teenagers just hanging around at the bigger park, cussing and smoking and doing things to each other that I don't feel like my 2 and 3 year old need to see.  Call me a prude, but it is just gross.

We decided to try a smaller park on the other side of town, and I was happy to see that we had it all to ourselves.  My kids were happy to remind me that their Strider Bikes were in the back of the car and even happier to point out the empty skate park.

They jumped right in and started having so much fun!

 

(I forgot their helmets.  And I let them ride there anyway.  I suck.  Judge me. I deserve it.  Okay, that's enough judging.  You can stop now. Next time I will  remember them. I promise. I am not a terrible mother, I swear.)

 

 

After a few minutes of these little speed demons having the skate park all to themselves, a big group of boys arrived, around ten of them, probably ranging from age 10 to 13ish.  The were all on Razor scooters and they looked a little rough. 

I got nervous.  I started to hover over my girls a little more. They didn't look like the gross teenagers from the big park that I mentioned above, but they were fast on their scooters I didn't want my girls to get knocked over or run into but this big group of rowdy boys. I decided that we wouldn't leave just yet, but if they started acting like jerks, I would be dragging my kids out of there kicking and screaming.

But guess what? 

Those boys were SO NICE.  At one point, I called out to Hayden, "Watch out so you don't get run over!" and one of the older boys called back, "We won't hurt them! We look out for little ones!" and all of these other boys agreed. 

I tried not to fall over in shock and I thanked them.

My girls were very entertained with some of the cool things that the boys could do on their Razor scooters and were whooping and hollering and cheering them on.  And you know what? The boys were doing the same for my little girls.  They wanted to know how old my girls were and they were impressed to learn that they were just 2 and 3 and were already so adept at riding.  they asked about our bikes.  They even gave my girls a few pointers on when to lift their feet and where to coast to next.  They truly looked out for the little ones, without being put out or annoyed that they had to share their space with us.

When they all left (we were there for two hours - they probably had to get home to dinner) they all called out, "Bye!" and I answered, "Bye, guys! Thanks for looking out for the little girls!" and their said, "No problem! See you later!"

It turned out that I had judged a book by it's cover and then got a pleasant surprise when I was totally wrong.  There ARE nice kids out there.  It gives me a glimmer of hope for this world that I am slowly sending my babies out into.  :-)

When we got in the car, Hayden and Carly couldn't stop talking about how much fun they had.  In fact, we are going back tomorrow after preschool (with helmets) and I can hardly wait to see some of the stunts that these friendly little daredevils learned from their new (much older) friends. :-)

More pics from the Bug's birthday

My cousin just sent me a few more pics of my Bug turning two and the celebrating that we all did. 

 

 

Is that not the most amazing cake?  And is Carly not the most adorable little birthday girl?!

 

Thank you, Erin, Rae! <3

First day of preschool

I have had one kid turn two and another start preschool, all in a matter of five days. 

 

By the time the big day came, Hayden was so excited to start school that she just about couldn't stand it.

 



When we got to her class, she hardly even said goodbye.  She was too busy making new friends.  She did let me get this one picture before she waved bye over her shoulder and dismissed her parents.  LOL

I only cried a little.  The one who was heartbroken was not necessarily me, believe it or not.

It was Baby Sister, who didn't want to leave her best friend at school.

Poor little thing.  She was so happy to see Hayden two hours later that she squealed and threw her arms around her.  

I felt the exact same way.  <3

It has been a great week to be one of my girls, but a hard week to be their mom.

But I know one thing for sure - I am so proud of them both.

Happy Birthday, to my sweet little Carly Kate!

On Saturday, my baby girl turned two.

I can't believe that this happened two years ago.  In some ways, it feels like it was yesterday.  In other ways it feels like it was much much longer.

We celebrated with a Jake and the Neverland Pirates party with all of Carly's friends and family here to enjoy the day. 

 My cousin made a PHENOMENAL cake as usual!

 

And we had an "Insta-Pirate" photo booth. 

 

 

This idea was so fun - it was a HUGE hit.  If you want to see more of the pictures, search #carlykateis2 on Instagram.  It really was SO fun.  Ya gotta love Instagram!! :-)

The highlight of the party for me was when we lit the candles and sang Happy Birthday.  My Carly is usually a pretty shy person.  she doesn't really like the spotlight, especially if the audience is more than just her Mama and Dada and sis, and maybe Gramma and Papa.  I was a little worried that we would all start singing and she would realize that we were all looking at her and she would cry. 

I was surprised when the exact opposite happened. 

My girl glowed.  She smiled and sang along, loud and proud, so happy to be the Birthday Girl.

Two is hard. Challenging. Bittersweet. Exhausting.

But it is also fun. I like watching her little personality really taking shape.  She is determined, brave, bold, snuggly, funny. 

 She loves animals, her sister, being dirty, playing outside, and doing everything to a chorus of "All by myself!" and a constant singing narrative.  She sings everything she is doing as she is doing it.   It is ADORABLE.

 

 

She's independent, ornery, and has the funniest little sense of humor and an impish little grin that just melts me. 

 

 I just adore her - even when she makes me crazy. 

 

She came into this world in her own way and she has been doing everything her own way ever since.

 

But you know what? Whatever it is this kid grows up to be, whatever "show" she grows up to run, she will always be her mama's baby Bug.

 

Love you to bits, Carly Kate.  <3