The Secret World of "Cake"

My big girl is growing up so fast.

She is so smart and beautiful.  And grown up.

Sometimes it is hard to believe how big she is - other times it is hard to believe that she is only three. 

The day she was born, I looked into those big blue eyes and said to my mom, "This is an old soul." Flash forward to not quite three and a half years later, and I swear she is three going on thirty.

She has always had a great imagination.  Starting at around 13 or 14 moths old, she has been serving us pretend food and drinks, giving us pretend money or presents, calling us the names of princesses or other cartoon characters, and last summer she even had a little imaginary caterpillar.

But now that she is older, her imagination is REALLY running wild.

She has her own secret little world. 

And I am loving every second of it.

The other day, she told me about her new "friend" - a little girl named "Cake".  Cake has a very detailed background story, 100% created by Hayden. 

 

Watch a video of Hoot talking about her pal Cake here.

(Blogger is acting up and won't let me put a video here, so just click the link.  She is too dang cute not to see.)

Garrett and I get a kick out of the matter of fact way that she describes Cake and her family and her world, as if every word of it were true and it is just the way that it is. 

Hayden and Cake, taking on the world, one wild story at a time.

I love this big girl to bits and pieces.

Stuff My Kids Said: Installment #1

So, my kids are really funny.

They say funny stuff all the time.

Everyday we have some conversation that surprises me, or makes me laugh..

I want to remember these things, so I am going to start blogging about them in a series of short blogs called "Stuff My Kids Said" - so here is my first installment.

This afternoon, I was folding the never ending pile of laundry in my bedroom, when Hayden came in. I was standing with my back to the door and I didn't turn to look at her.

"Mom, I have a new horse," she said.

"Really?" I answered, "How fun."  I still didn't turn and look because I was busy and I know that she has a great imagination and while in her mind it was a beautiful horse, I knew that I would not be able to "see" it.

"Yup. Her name is LaToya."

This made me smile. Where does she come up with this stuff?

 "A horse named LaToya? That is quite a name!"

"Yeah!" Hayden said, "Isn't she beautiful?"

At this moment I turned to see Hayden standing in the door way, leading her sister around by a dress-up necklace, the end of which was clenched between her little baby teeth.  Carly LaToya was grinning, happy that her sister was playing with her.

"Wait, LaToya the horse is your sister?"

"Uh, yeah, Mom. Me LaToya. Horse." Carly said.

The looked at each other with that tell-tale "Geez, Mom, keep up here!" look on their faces and Hayden said, "Let's go, LaToya" and away they went.

LOL

These girls.  They sure do come up with some good material, don't they?

Bad Mommy

Dear Carly,

Please forgive me.

Getting you to take a nap was a nightmare today.  You screamed for an hour, bit me several times, pinched, hit, kicked, screamed some more. 

It was terrible. I lost my patience.  I yelled at you.  I told you to shut up.  "Why the hell are you crying?!" I yelled.

Your Daddy walked in just in time to hear me yelling at you.  You went straight to him and snuggled into his arms and went to sleep.  And rightfully so, because he was kind and patient and loving to both of us - even if I didn't exactly deserve it in that moment.

I feel like crap about it all.  I feel like a terrible mommy.  You are just a little girl, and things aren't always easy. 

I understand that most of the time. 

But today, I totally lost my cool.  I am ashamed that I yelled at a crying baby.  You and Daddy both probably think I'm a monster.  Daddy asked if I wanted to run to town for a minute just to get away.  I told him no.  All I really want to do now that you are asleep is hold you and cry and tell you how sorry I am that I was so mean. 

I now that being little is hard. I know that sometimes we just don't know why the hell we are crying, sometimes we just can't answer that question. 

I love you more than you can know, tiny Bug - even if my actions today didn't seem like it.  I sometimes act like I have all the answers, like sometimes I have everything together, like I'm a Super Mom.  But the truth is that sometimes I feel like a little girl myself. Sometimes, I just don't know what to do.  I am flawed, little one.  Very much so.  And sometimes, this mom gig is a bitch.  It's hard.  But,  I'm trying.  I'm trying so hard to give you only my best. Yelling at you is not the way to do that, I know.  But even when I am mad, or I yell, or I lose my patience, I still love every particle of you, Sweet Girl.  That is the kind of love that doesn't stop, even when things are hard. 

The small beauty of this big mess is that when you wake up, I can apologize and cuddle you, and we can start over.  But for now, I am going to cry a little, watch you sleep - and with any luck, I am going to forgive myself. 

Love, Mommy