Meet Baby Appleseed

Introducing our tiniest family member, Appleseed.

Isn’t he or she cute?  I am making him or her myself.

Remember that “dark place” I mentioned that I had spent some of the past 7 weeks and 6 days (that is how long Appleseed has been a member of our family) in?  That negative, ugly, no-way-in-heck- that-I-deserve-two-happy-healthy-kids place I have been going?  It’s the place I go to think of the “what-ifs” and the “coulds” and the “unthinkables” of being pregnant.

It isn’t a good place.  At all.  And I am trying to stay out of there.  In that place, every twinge, pull, tug, cramp, whatever can turn to the worst.  I passed through that place when I was pregnant with HootOwl, but this time it feels like I’m lost in a bad neighborhood full of one way streets and dark alleys but few ways out. 

I let that place get the best of me over the weekend.  But rather than staying there, I called my doctor.  The nurse there is named Carrie.  She said she doesn’t want anyone to feel so worried.  So she moved my ultrasound to today to give me some peace of mind.  Thank goodness for her.  

So, I have a roll of pictures of tiny little Appleseed and I am using it like a map.  A map to guide me from that place to the bright, sunny neighborhood I belong in.  I have a tiny little kid growing in me today, and I love him or her, even if you look at the picture and think it’s a face (or something?) that only a mother could love.