TWO

Two days before New Year’s, I was riding next to my husband in the truck.  We were on our way to Wal-Mart, and like we do every time we are on the way to Wal-Mart, we were making a shopping list.  It is true that we should probably do this before we leave the house, but we never ever do.  The conversation went something like this:

G:  Dog food.  Mostly we are getting dog food.

Me: And I want to look at the Christmas sale stuff.

G: Great. We’ll be there forever.

Me: No, we won’t – I’ll be quick. (We both know this isn’t true.  I am never quick.) (long pause) AndI think I need to pee on a stick.

G: AGAIN?

Me: Yes, again. Humor me.

G:  How many sticks can a person pee on?  You always think you’re pregnant, whether you have real reason or not.

He’s right.  In the month of November, I peed on $65 worth of sticks – why are they so expensive?  I just wanted to make sure.  I was still nursing Hoot full-time, too, so things were all crazy with my body .  $65 worth of pee sticks and they were all negatives.  I was expecting the negative, just like before, but I am paranoid.  Have you ever seen that show I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant?  Hell if I am going to be one of those women who have a surprise baby in an amusement park bathroom after nine months of behavior not cohesive with baby-baking!  Aside from being dangerous, it would just be embarrassing.

I stopped taking the mini-pill around Halloween.  We decided that we would take on a “don’t try, don’t prevent” method of family planning.  After all, this is how we got Hayden.  We thought it would take time, like it did with Hayden…  Okay, admittedly, it only took four months with Hayden, but this time I was nursing a baby and I only recently let my husband sit next to me on the couch after the trauma of childbirth and we sleep with a kid in between us.  It was going to take time.

Anyhow, back to this day at Wal-Mart.  It was about 5pm and when we got home, I peed on the stick.  I was expecting nothing, like before when I may as well have just peed on $65 cash and called it good.  I just wanted to put my mind at ease and go drink a glass of wine. 

Like always, the universe had different plans.

I didn’t even have to wait the full three minutes.  I peed, set the stick on the windowsill, and stood to pull my pants up.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw it.  I didn’t believe it, but I saw it.  Not the one pink line I was used to.  TWO.

 Two pink lines.   

Two kids under two years old. 

Two times the diapers.

Two times the night wakings.

Two babies.

TWO.

I blinked away tears and disbelief.  Two pink lines?  Two pink lines!  A positive?  I was crying and shocked and happy all at once.  My life flashed before my eyes.  I picked up the stick and ran to find Garrett.

He was standing in the kitchen, probably still sulking about the fact that I was peeing on yet another stick for no reason.  This part of the conversation went like this:

Me:  Look.  (holding out stick) You’ve gotta see this.

G: What? 

Me: Two lines. Look.

G: (huge smile, hugging me) Congratulations, Mama!   Aren’t you happy?

Me: Oh, yes.  Yes!  How did this happen? Two lines?  We are going to have two kids.  What have we done?

G: (laughing) What do you mean, “How did this happen?” Isn’t this the exact conversation we had when you found out you were pregnant with Hayden? 

Again, he was right.  It was almost verbatim the conversation that we had at 6am around 20 months before this one.  What can I say, I lose my head when under pressure.  Sue me.

So, the moral of my story?  Unprotected sex makes babies. 

And this family is growing.  And my waistline is preparing to grow, too.  Hayden will be welcoming her baby brother or sister at the end of the summer.  They will be 19 months apart.

I am excited and nervous .  At first I felt like I was taking away Hoot’s “babyness” - depriving her of being the only one just a little longer.  Of being THE baby just a little longer.  But now I realize that for her, the positives will out-weigh the negatives ten-fold.  She will have a friend, a partner, a buddy.  She will never be lonely or wish that she had a playmate. I know that she’ll be the best big sister ever.  She is going to love it.

We wanted our kids close together, and that is what we are getting.  We are very blessed.  And truthfully, after this kid is born, I think that we will be afraid to pass each other in the hall or make eye-contact at the wrong moment for fear that it will be this easy again! 

As for me, the mom, I already love this baby.  I feel like I am way more worked up than I was with Hayden.  I have a lot of worry and anxiety.  I have actually been in kind of a dark place – worrying that something bad will happen, that this baby won’t be real.  My first appointment (and ultrasound) is on the 24^th.  I am doing all I can to stay out of that dark place – worrying will not add a single day to anyone’s life.  Each day, I have to wake up and tell myself that I am so fortunate – I have one gorgeous, healthy kid and soon I will have two.  Like I said, I already love him or her.  And that is enough for now.

I feel pregnant.  Gaggy.  Weepy.  Exausted.  It’s all there.  It hasn’t been that long since I did this – but time dulls all memories, especially the unpleasant parts.  I see how smart and funny Hoot is and I see how worth it the gaggy, weepy, tired nine months are. 

For now I’m taking it one day at a time.  We’re talking names, and nurseries, and double strollers. 

Like I said at the end of my post about Hayden’s birthday – TWO, here we come.  We’re the Awesomes – we’d like you to meet our kids, Totally and Frickin’.  :) 

Good thing I peed on all of those sticks.